Tuesday, 1 December 2009
There is a sigh of relief... a deep one... like the worst are behind us and as dawn breaks on this most glorious of months i feel bright, trying to shed the greyness of the past few weeks away. I wrote a few days ago about endings, I am still not sure what is happening but I am sure of that 'gut feeling'.
It is just that endings or not, I need to savour these few days leading up to my birthday and allow myself to relax. I am starting to resent this constant feeling of angst and 'stolen' relaxation, like a 'how dare you relax?' attitude.. Well i do dare, and if i don't dare i will probably die. Yesterday I met a girl who spent 4 days in hospital suffering from work-induced exhaustion. She is 22 and takes home well below half my pay packet. Yet somehow in today's day and age this is considered a normal turn of events... noone is going to apologise to her or her family and as I am getting increasingly fed up and disgusted with the 'sacrifices' we are called to make in a thousand subtle ways, I resolve to putting up walls: never again will I allow myself to be placed in such a vulnerable situation where I have to excuse myself for not overworking or feel bad because I have to give my son a bath. It is a sorry and miserable time when performance is based on how much you are shown to sacrifice rather than how much you are producing and at what quality.